Thursday, August 13, 2009

Raptors One Eyed Monster

For starters let me just say that for a movie about the disembodied penis of Ron Jeremy killing people on the set of a porn movie. I hear you ask “Raptor, stop talking crap and tell us what the movie is?” Fine, since you asked so nicely. The movie is One Eyed Monster and the basic plot is what I listed above. Who’s Ron Jeremy? Well he is some huge, innuendo intended, porn star who started in the sixties and has been in movies with titles like Samurai Dick and Cherry Cheese Cake. The list of movies that he has appeared in is phenomenal. I’m talking over 1000. Sure some may be cameos only but dam that is still a huge body of work, innuendo again.

He still gets the ladies...for $75 an hour extra for back door action
He still gets the ladies...for $75 an hour extra for back door action
The movie starts off with cast filming a porn shoot in some cabin that gets snowed in. During a break on the first Scene Ron Jeremy takes a walk outside and is zapped by a shooting star like alien. He seems fine until they continue on with the sex scene and his dick gets out of control injuring the starlet Veronica Hart, another old school porn actress and then detaching itself from Ron. He then goes to the big porn set in the sky and from that point on Ron plays the Alien Dick. Quite ironic really.

Anyway the Alien Dick is looking to procreate, hey you’re on a porn set why not, I’d want to do the same thing right but it sees all other non females as the threats so starts a killing rampage. This premise kind of falls down at several points such as when the pretty Jenny Guy is killed while making out with the rooky or when Carmen Hart is killed by fatal blow job. I guess it was still trying to figure out the right hole? On a side note Carmen Hart has stared in films such as Bless Their Little Holes and Big Cocks in her Little Box. These crack me up.

Too....much....viagra!
Too....much....viagra!
On to a few of the other cast members. Jonah, the token black guy played by Jason Graham who turns out to be well not so token and saves the day! Jason did a great job with this character with a down to earth no nonsense attitude. I was rooting for him from the start….but not in a gay way though. Our heroine is played by Amber Benson from Buffy The vampire Slayer lesbian girl fame. We also get a hilarious Jeff Denton who plays the self centred asshole produce/director of the film. He gets it in the end of course…hehe in the end get it? Bah! Veteran actor Charles Napier also makes an appearance as an ex-soldier and hermit who turns out a pretty cool back story monologue.

I NEVER LEARNT HOW TO READ!....and why would she really o.0
I NEVER LEARNT HOW TO READ!....and why would she really o.0
We don’t see the alien itself for most of the film and get an Aliens’ eye view instead, when we do well yes it’s a 1.5ft long penis thing….what did you expect? All the kills are all tongue in cheek as is most of the movie.

I did enjoy this film plot holes included. This one was defiantly not made to be taken seriously. The acting was solid as was the editing and the movie itself looked polished enough for a low budget film. I give this movie a 6/10, a good watch if you have nothing else to do.

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