Raptor gets Ass Kicked

Well it’s been a few weeks since my last stellar post. I’ve been sick alright! You’re all so needy. Anyway now that I have recovered to some degree I’d like to tell you about the movie Kick Ass.

I think I farted in my suit

It start with the premise of why aren’t there more Superheroes in the world? Obviously anyone crazy guy could put on a cape and go do good. So based on this our inept hero Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) puts on a wet suit, grabs some fighting sticks and Kick Ass goes and gets himself stabbed and run over…on his first day out. After some surgery that involved a lot of reinforcing his broken bones and left him partially numb to pain he tries again managing to fight off some thugs who are beating up on a guy. This gets captured on film and suddenly Kick Ass is a celebrity. In the mean time his mundane persona is befriended by the cute Katie (Lyndsy Fonesca) who feels sorry for him for being beat up because he is gay. Wait what? It’s ok he rolls with this in the hopes of getting some tail later on.

Hit Girl: One Scary little kid.

Meanwhile two real super heroes and in the middle of taking down crime boss Frank D’amico (Mark Strong from Stardust). Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage) and Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) have been planning this since D’Amico framed Big Daddy in his cops days, sent him to prison and caused the death of his wife. Unfortunately D’Amico assumes that it’s Kick Ass who is taking out his men. This forces a team up between Big Daddy, Hit Girl and Kick Ass. Enter Frank D’Amicos son Chris (Played by the funny Christopher Mintz-Plasse) who plans to lure Kick Ass out into a trap masquerading as superhero Red Mist. From there everything goes crazy.

This movie grabbed my attention from the get go and the humour remains steady from the beginning to end. Now the violence. There is a tone of it and a lot of it coming from the psycho 11 year old Hit Girl. Man she is one scary little girl. The action is all grounded in reality, think of Batman style super heroes or maybe Punisher. No super powers as such but just 1337 skillz yo. Nicholas cage also goes off in one particular scene taking out a slew of bad guys which makes me almost forget the bad taste of Ghost Rider. Overall all the acting across the board is good and the script is tight with few dull moments at all.

The funny thing is that Kick Ass isn’t really the main Hero. He is the main character yes but as far as heroing is concerned he is really a Hero in training. So the movie is really a begging story such as Kick Ass Begins. It also means that Kick Ass is kind of relegated a lot to side kick. See what I did there. I also think there is going to be a few more chapters to this story too.

I give Kick ass an 8.5/10 for ass kicking super hero fun.

Raptor goes a little Gozu

You know Japanese make some really weird ass films. Not to say that the rest of the world isn’t capable but well theirs are all the weirder mainly because they are crazy Japanese.

This guy fails at applying sun screan

Gozu is a film directed by Takashi Miike the guy who did the Master of Horrors episode Imprint that caused a little controversy, I guess who just didn’t want to give up here.

Hello, my name is fred and when I'm at home I like to dance in my undies.

The story stars with two brothers, Minami and older brother Ozaki, who are part of a Yakuza gang. When Ozaki starts to go a little crazy by beating up Yakuza attack Chihuahuas, the head boss orders Minami to get rid of him at the Junkyard. So along the way Ozaki dies and Minami looses his body. So he begins a search to find his brother and comes across more weirdness like a guy with half the pigment missing from his face who gives him a hand or a hotel run by a brother and sister who can speak to the spirits. The Sister also has a tendency to “Milk” herself which seems to tie in with a cow headed daemon. The daemon during a possible dream gives him a letter that directs him back to the junkyard where he finds that his brother has been compacted and the proof is his flattened skin. It’s at this time a girl rocks up saying that she is his brother. He takes her back to the yakuza boss who tries get amorous with her. Oh did I mention the boss can only get it off by placing the handle of soup ladle up his butt? Well there you go. So Minami steps in and stops him with lets say some electrocution involving said soup ladle. Ouch. Finally it all ends with Minami and the girl having sex a hand coming out of her crotch and latching onto his penis and then the girl giving birth to his brother fully grown…yeah seems like she can stretch.

Wave to the cameras!

What can I say, this movie just drew me in mainly due to what the fuck factor, you know that thing where you brain doesn’t quite register what the hells going on but you still want to know what happens next. The acting was pretty good as far as I could tell. They were speaking Japanese. The effects were nothing spectacular although well done. The daemon cow scene was creepy and the birth scene well just ouch really, ouch. Don’t worry the girl was fine after it and they all walked off happy.

I give this a 7/10 mainly for the weirdness. Oh yes for the weirdness.

Some babies are a little late coming out but this is ridiculous.